Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
