dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
