I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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