Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
