the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
