Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He kissed a someone with a penis
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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