He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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