a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
