i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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