You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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