I am in a vortex of obligation.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
how do flat chested girls get laid?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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