I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
