she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
