im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
