dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My penis needs a shock collar
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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