i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
The best revenge is premature balding
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
