There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
