frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
