Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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