Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
