Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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