Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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