Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
