There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
