He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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