OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
