This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
