i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You are the jesus of drinking
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
