Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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