yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
