I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
