i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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