You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize