I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize