Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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