it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
