Kiss
Puke
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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