So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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