I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
