Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
