Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
