So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
