Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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