I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
