Umm I'm too high to move.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
