what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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