Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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