Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
