perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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