You work out of a Hotel?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
