I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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