You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
