if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
All I want is dick and wine.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
