well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize