...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
