summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize