I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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