im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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