I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
