Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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