I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
