I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
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