1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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