a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So many bounce houses so little time
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
