we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
