im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
