im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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