I never want to see another naked old woman again.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
