So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
