I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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