a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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