you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
