i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
